21 and 18 Weeks

If someone had tried to tell me a year ago where I would be today I probably would have laughed in their face. If they had told me that this year that one of my favourite birthday gifts would be a new pair of maternity shorts I would have thought them jesting. On my last birthday I walked the streets of Paris with no idea of what my future held. I never could have anticipated that such a short time later so much would have changed. I would have never guessed that I would have moved so much, that a job would have come and (thankfully) gone or that Adam and I would be starting our own family so soon. Yet, as life would have it, here I am. I feel as though I could write about the many profound things I have learned or about how I experienced so much personal growth, but all I keep coming back to is people. I am just so thankful for people. This year has marked the coming, going and reintroduction of so many people in my life and it has been both a painful and beautiful journey. When times get hard, when life doesn't go as planned, when you literally have nothing to offer but yourself, that is when you find those people that truly care about you. This is what I have been reflecting on lately. Now it is I that have nothing. I cannot repay people for their kindness, I cannot offer much of anything at all except myself and still so many have risen. So many have rushed to my side giving unconditional love, support, prayers, and kindness. At times I have been taken aback by the sudden generosity or encouragement I have received from people I hardly know or don't know at all. Then there are the people close to me who have, despite knowing I can give them nothing, offered up their time, resources and compassion in such a selfless way. I have always been someone who sees everything in terms of debt. If you do a favour for me I owe one to you, if you buy me lunch I better buy yours the next time, etc. I think God has been trying to show me that this is not the way to live. He has given me, through the people in my life, a debt greater than I could ever repay. It has been a hard lesson, I have had to humble myself in ways that are new to me and accept help that I wish I didn't need, but it has also taught me so much about the meaning of fellowship and how important it is to live in community rather than in independence. I could never give back to each and every one as much as they have given to me. All I can do is remember this time and when the time comes that I am needed or that I have something to offer that I give it as freely as people have given to me. That I give never for the sake of return, but only because I love. Now this post has ended up very differently than I had thought it would, but I suppose in light of my recent birthday my heart has been filled beyond the point of bursting with gratitude. I had a wonderful birthday this year and it was completely because of amazing friends and family. I am so blessed stepping into this new year of my life and I wait with bated breath to see what it could possibly hold.

Birthday shopping and fake baby bump! Thank you so much for my new shorts Jaclyn!! :)