Finally!

Well, I know its been a while since I wrote last and there is no good excuse. I am just a lazy bum that hasn't put in the effort. True, I haven't been feeling very inspired, but I know that its more a matter of just bucking up and getting it done. SO now I am doing it! Here is an update on a bit of what has been going down with me and my little family lately.

We recently acquired a our first substantial baby item, a car seat, which is a wonderful blessing from a wonderful friend! We are so thankful for it! Up until now all we have had is a small box of baby clothes due to Adam having the veto power on everything I want to buy. This is a good thing as I have a tendency to want to go overboard and way over prepare so I am thankful for his wisdom despite the fact that it has prevented me from purchasing a multitude of adorable yet unnecessary baby paraphernalia. Anyway, now that we finally have the vessel in which we will bring our little bundle of joy home everything seems so much more real. When I see baby clothes laying about I think in my mind I still associate dolls. I know in my head they are not doll clothes and that they are actually for my real live baby, but it doesn't hit home like a car seat. I lay in my bed at night and see it sitting there on the shelf in all its heavy duty, made for real baby glory and I can't help but get a little freaked out! Its like layers are slowly being peeled off my brain so I can get used to the fact that in a little over three months I am going to be a mom.. Whoa.. Typing that out took another layer I think. So now my brain is in full baby prepping gear. I like to say that now that I have a "viable fetus" it could be here any time so we need to be ready. This is another symptom of my need to over prepare so once again I am having to allow Adam to gently reel me in and explain to me why we don't need to buy every box of diapers on sale right away. 

Other than my constant revelations not much has happened on the baby front. We are very thankful that our little bean is growing so well and every day they get stronger which is wonderful. I love feeling the nightly river dances and tap routines they are practicing and I am gearing up for an active little one! Adam and I are looking for a place of our own to bring bean home to, but finding suites sucks! Sometimes it feels as though I boarded a train without knowing the destination or how long the trip would be and now I have no option of getting off. Some people might not like that, but my adventuresome spirit is loving it. I find an odd sense of security in being pretty much out of control. 
Well, that is all I will say for now. I have some ideas for future posts with thoughts I have been wanting to share, but they will likely be longish so I won't start now!

Instead I will share some random and not so exciting pictures! :p

This is our lovely new car seat!

Adam's first Father's Day gift! Boy or girl this child will wear batman :)

And, after many many many tries...

A semi decent tummy shot :p 25 weeks + 3 days

The Incredible Hulk

So, Baby's newest nickname is Hulk. Yes Hulk, as in Bruce Banner's giant, green, ridiculously strong alter ego. This may seem like an odd choice for a tiny unborn infant, but as each day passes it seems more and more fitting. I swear this child is going to come bursting forth from the womb prepared to arm wrestle or bench press anyone who tries to stand in their way. Ok, that might be a bit of an exaggeration, but in all seriousness I think something weird is going on in there. At 21 weeks the wee one already kicks hard enough that they can push my arm and kick Adam in the head if he rests it on my lap. From what I have been reading that is not normal. How do I feel about this? I love it! There is nothing more comforting than feeling our baby go about their business throughout the day (even if it does involve doing push ups on my bladder). Every bump kick and wiggle gives me butterflies. Being able to share these things with Adam has also been wonderful. I love that he is now able to experience this little life moving around too. Besides these new joys though I have to say that the last couple of weeks have been  some of the toughest so far what with hormones going completely wild. I have been battling irrational fears, nightmares and just plain insanity and it hasn't been easy. When people talk about "pregnancy brain" it seems to be taken lightly quite often when the reality is that it can be very scary and stressful. There were definitely a couple of days where I just wanted to pack a bag and run and keep on running until I escaped the crazy, but thankfully I didn't. The past few days have been much better though. In the end all it really took to combat my out of control emotions was some quality time spent with Adam, reading a blog by a woman who felt equally as crazy as I did and a good hard look at my life. It didn't take long for me to come back to a place of being content and just so thankful for my friends, family, wonderful man and healthy, STRONG babe. So now, once again I am just soaking up every moment of this experience that I know will pass in the blink of an eye. 

21 weeks + 3 days :)

Our temporary photo wall! I will make them more straight when we have our more permanent place!

Adam's first contribution to our baby's wardrobe :)

Say Hello to Baby

I was going to write a big long post, but I just can't wait. Today we had our first ultrasound and I don't even know what to say. We got to watch our little one suck its tiny thumb and kick its tiny legs. We got to see their little face and it was beyond incredible. Adam was so excited that he couldn't stop asking questions and the technician couldn't help but get excited with us as she showed us each part one by one. I felt as though we bonded with her. It was like she introduced us to our little one that up until today we had only known as a heartbeat and for me the occasional wiggle in my tummy. While I laid there holding Adam's hand and watching our baby happily squirm about it felt as though nothing in the world could ever be wrong ever again. I know that's silly, but I decided to just go with it and bask in the glow our growing baby. So now we want to share that with our loved ones too. So meet baby :)

I am already madly in love with this little one!! Look at those legs!! <3

Going in for a thumb suck :)

Adam said baby was kissing me from the inside :)

We are so thankful to God for forming this little one so well. A baby is a blessing no matter what, but a healthy, happy little one is an incredible gift! Thank you to all of you for your prayers so far! 

19 Weeks and Counting

Well, just when I thought my birthday was over, BAM! Adam surprised me with a trip to the zoo to make up for the fact that he couldn't be there on my actual birthday (not that he needed to, he was working hard for us instead!). He woke me up yesterday (Saturday) morning and told me that we had to drive Ben (his younger brother) to his hockey coach's house. I hurried and got ready and we headed out. I thought he might be up to something as he often is, but he and Ben were so convincing that by the time we got on the highway I mostly just felt bad that we were running late for the coach. It wasn't until we pulled up to the zoo that I knew what was going on. Turns out that he had planned the whole thing and his family was waiting when we got there. We had a really fantastic day in spite of a bout of chilly rain at the beginning and made it to pretty much every animal show! So now, between the zoo and the aquarium, I have seen my fair share of birthday animals. My favourite! :)

Now for how this relates to baby, not that everything needs to, but there are a few funny baby related things that happened throughout day. The first was this; even though I have transitioned nicely into a fairly morning sickness free second trimester I still find that if I get out of bed to quickly and shower without taking time to eat first it takes a toll on my tummy. So even though Adam's haste in the morning was with good intention I ended up feeling a bit woozy. Once we were driving it didn't take too long for the wooziness to turn into full out sickness and then finally into me just hurling into an old garbage bag and on my lap. Now this was the point that I was still worried about being late for the coach so we just kept trucking. Adam pulled over at a McDonald's so I could clean up, but it still looked like I had wet myself. How do you tell people 'oh no, I didn't pee my pants, I just puked all over myself, thats all!'? Its not much better is it? So, when we finally arrived at the zoo I wasn't feeling the most party friendly. But, like I said before, we ended up having a great day regardless! I also found out that baby either loves or hates train rides. I am not sure yet as their reactions to everything are pretty much the same, but they definitely went on some kind of kung fu spree when we got on the train and didn't stop until we got off again. Its moments like that that make barfing all over yourself totally worth it as long as the little one is still kicking around :) 

And now for some pictures!!

Freaky bird giving me the evil eye.

Awesome bird man at the Raptor show with his owl Hagrid!

On the train!

The lion "snack" time. 

How beautiful is that???

From the second raptor show we attended. This bird almost hit me in the head!

Adam said this guy liked me cause he recognized his own kind... 

A real live hungry hungry hippo!!

Our zoo masks!  Whahooooo!!

18 weeks 6 days :)

21 and 18 Weeks

If someone had tried to tell me a year ago where I would be today I probably would have laughed in their face. If they had told me that this year that one of my favourite birthday gifts would be a new pair of maternity shorts I would have thought them jesting. On my last birthday I walked the streets of Paris with no idea of what my future held. I never could have anticipated that such a short time later so much would have changed. I would have never guessed that I would have moved so much, that a job would have come and (thankfully) gone or that Adam and I would be starting our own family so soon. Yet, as life would have it, here I am. I feel as though I could write about the many profound things I have learned or about how I experienced so much personal growth, but all I keep coming back to is people. I am just so thankful for people. This year has marked the coming, going and reintroduction of so many people in my life and it has been both a painful and beautiful journey. When times get hard, when life doesn't go as planned, when you literally have nothing to offer but yourself, that is when you find those people that truly care about you. This is what I have been reflecting on lately. Now it is I that have nothing. I cannot repay people for their kindness, I cannot offer much of anything at all except myself and still so many have risen. So many have rushed to my side giving unconditional love, support, prayers, and kindness. At times I have been taken aback by the sudden generosity or encouragement I have received from people I hardly know or don't know at all. Then there are the people close to me who have, despite knowing I can give them nothing, offered up their time, resources and compassion in such a selfless way. I have always been someone who sees everything in terms of debt. If you do a favour for me I owe one to you, if you buy me lunch I better buy yours the next time, etc. I think God has been trying to show me that this is not the way to live. He has given me, through the people in my life, a debt greater than I could ever repay. It has been a hard lesson, I have had to humble myself in ways that are new to me and accept help that I wish I didn't need, but it has also taught me so much about the meaning of fellowship and how important it is to live in community rather than in independence. I could never give back to each and every one as much as they have given to me. All I can do is remember this time and when the time comes that I am needed or that I have something to offer that I give it as freely as people have given to me. That I give never for the sake of return, but only because I love. Now this post has ended up very differently than I had thought it would, but I suppose in light of my recent birthday my heart has been filled beyond the point of bursting with gratitude. I had a wonderful birthday this year and it was completely because of amazing friends and family. I am so blessed stepping into this new year of my life and I wait with bated breath to see what it could possibly hold.

Birthday shopping and fake baby bump! Thank you so much for my new shorts Jaclyn!! :)

Mommy Loves Daddy

I have come to the conclusion that Adam is going to be an excellent father. I was thinking about him today as he is hard at work so that he can provide for me and our baby and I realized that I just don't take note enough of all the things he does. So, I have decided to write this post in his honour.
We are both so new at this (obviously), but Adam has taken on his roll as father with more grace than I ever could have thought possible. He has stepped up to what seems like a daunting plate with not only a positive attitude, but also a gentle strength and confidence that has carried me through the tougher times. He is unrelenting in his encouragement and even when he expresses the deepest doubts and fears of his heart he does so with the mind that he will overcome and be better than he is now. He has been a solid friend and partner to me as we travel this journey together and I thank God for him daily. In the short time we have known about our little one I have seen him grow into such an amazing daddy. It may sound odd since baby is the size of an onion and neatly tucked away inside of me, but even at this time that must be hard for him, a time when his child seems so out of reach of his contact, he has made every effort to love them. Whether its making an extra effort to care for and love me as best as he can or talking to my tummy every day, sharing secrets for just him and baby to know, or telling them all about how excited he is to teach them about hockey in spite of how silly it may feel to be communicating with what seems like only a belly button. I cannot wait for him to be able to interact with our little one. His kind heart, strong hands, spirit of fun and tendency to be a bit of a no-it-all are all qualities that will have our baby thinking he is a super hero, just as every child should feel about their dad when they are little. I don't know what moment most moms look forward to most when they imagine the day of their baby's birth but for me it is the moment when I can hand him/her to their daddy and see him hold his baby for the first time. That is a moment I know I will cherish as much as being able to hold them myself. I know that neither of us are perfect and that we will both make mistakes when it comes to how we raise our child, but of all the people I would want to stumble through this life changing experience with I am just so thankful that I was given Adam. He truly is an amazing man that I am proud to be with.

Bumpin' Along

Well today it happened. I bought my first official maternity clothes. Up until this point I have been able to get away with mostly just stretchy stuff and probably could do so for a while longer, but it doesn't take long for even the most comfy yoga pants to get a bit tired. Especially for someone who gets bored as quickly as I do! So with that dilemma I set out to Value Village. I am ever thankful for thrift stores when it comes to times like this. After doing some price checking at Thyme Maternity I realized that second hand would be the only way to go when it came to limited use clothing purchases. I was wary at first to try maternity clothes on thinking they would be awkward and make me look terrible, but I was pleasantly surprised when almost everything I tried on felt and looked great (with the exception of a navy blue 80s 2 piece suit that Adam made me try just for kicks and giggles :p). Seems as thought I was meant for this industry! A nice change from my usual shopping experiences. In the end I left the store feeling much better about myself and the coming months and even managed to change into my new shorts in the parking lot! Oh and did I mention that I spent half as much as a tshirt cost in the Maternity store? Yup, all in all a shopping win I think!
And yet, with all that being said, I must say that the overall experience of getting used to this ever changing new body of mine has not been quite so sunny. I have definitely had my share of overly emotional moments as one by one my old clothes drop out of the realm of wearability or I look in the mirror and the person looking back is someone I hardly recognize. I feel like every morning I wake up different than how I went to sleep the night before. At times its overwhelming. Yet, on the whole, it is a beautiful, miraculous experience full of wonder. I guess that's why its tough, because all of the best things in life are!
Oh boy, This post is longer than I wanted so I will just leave it at that, but before I go some pictures. I have made it a goal not to write any posts without adding pictures too. That way the less committed (also known as people like me) can just browse quickly and get a general idea of whats been going down :)

17 Weeks :)

Baby's First Book

A bit advanced I know, but for $0.99 what the hey! Its never too early to start learning the alphabet !